Caught! The third red-haired cat burglar!
This time the culprit is Burglar Bert, a six-year-old Flame Point Siamese. His neighbors are torn between giggles and frustration for his feline-onious pranks. The law is on the kleptomania-cat side because neighbors are
powerless to stop him from stalking their yards to steal things and carry them home.
His “wanted” photo shows him in the paw-session of a various and sundry assortment of gloves and socks he’s pinched. The trespasser’s posters are proudly displayed by fun loving neighbors as a “warning” to others. If there is a missing glove, sock, children’s underwear, shoe, etc., a furry fast fingered Bert has purr-obably misappropriated them! This robber’s life of
crime is on the rise!
Some obsessive compulsive behaviors manifest from overwhelming grief after a death. In accordance, right after Bert’s beloved brother, Barney, passed is when he dragged the first stolen goods through the cat door.
Bert had put his heart into taking care of Barney as he became sickly. He snuggled with his frail buddy and was at a loss after Barney’s passing.
“Bert’s crime wave
began small,” confessed Monique. “A few mismatched gardening gloves here and there. We did not want to be our klepto cat’s accomplices, so we stabbed 20, four-foot bamboo stakes in our front yard and topped them with all his ‘loot’.
Hiss-torically most of the stolen items are gloves; first a yellow, then blue, then the other matching gloves began appearing! His illegal behavior escalates during the summer, purr-obably because of the increased use
of gardening gloves and clothes hanging out to dry.
A lady who lives a block away came by and timidly claimed her light-weight shoes. She was bewildered why one shoe had disappeared, then the second went missing from her carport. In the meantime, we had added the shoes to our ‘yard art’ stakes.
The woman learned of us while explaining the bizarre mystery to a neighbor. Her neighbor described our nefarious cat, and
suggested checking out our “lost and found” display.”
Like most dysfunctional crime families, they not only support Bert’s kleptomania - they fuel it with treats! Their M.O. is always the same. After a heist when Bert drags the contraband through his cat door, they add to the criminal offense by praising him for his hunting skills. He’s rewarded because they live in a heavily populated bird area (which includes a baby-face Barred Owl with a 40 inch wing
span). They appreciate Bert’s penchant for inanimate objects over wildlife. What he brings home never ceases to surprise them. Recently, he purr-loined (stole) a welder’s glove that weighs a pound! Fortunately none of the purr-petrator’s victims filed police reports!
“Bert was not thrilled,” said Monique, “when we introduced him to our fluffy pup, Nikki! But Bert being Bert took the baby Sheltie in stride and taught her to play ‘cat style’,
leaving Nikki socially ‘dog’ handicapped.”
Initially, Nikki was suspicious of the stolen articles. She’d sniff the ‘hot’ item not wanting any part of Bert’s clandestine acts, but her family may be in trouble! Recently, Nikki was found guilty of stealing socks from their laundry basket and stashing them in her bed! They hope she is not copy-catting Bert’s criminal activity!
“If this keeps up,” admits Monique, “we are
going to have to hire a defense attorney for our notorious pets!”
Nikki is so gentle with Bert that the family wants a drone to fly above their pets “... to witness their heart warming play antics.”
The drone could also double as a ‘spy’ vehicle to capture Bert purr-owling as he ‘stocks’ socks!”
Bert accompanies the family on Nikki’s walks - walking with a “steal-thy” stride. Monique worries that their red-headed
thief joins them to case out the neighborhood for his next grab and dash. Their neighbors, always on the alert for the crafty cat, might question if his family are his partners in crime!
“Two years ago, a family with a four-year-old son, visiting their grandparents, saw Bert ‘flea’ing with Grandpa’s stolen red glove,” said Monique. “They wondered if he would return for the second glove, so they had a camera in hand. Sure enough, 20 minutes
later, they witnessed another robbery in progress. The cat burglar returned to the crime scene and dashed away, dragging the matching glove.
The boy was thrilled! So brazen Burglar Bert’s mug photo was proudly displayed on their refrigerator. This year, the six-year-old’s goal was to meet the famous celebra-cat. I whistled, and Bert came running like a dog. The thrilled child held the innocent looking furry crook while everyone took photos, and his
eyes were alight with JOY as if he was holding Sesame Street’s Big Bird’s hand!
We are organic gardeners, so Bert, being one of the family, purr-obably thinks he is helping ‘recycle’ abandoned articles. We are proud of our cats notoriety but hope that none of us ends up in jail from Bert purr-forming a public service!”
Every time I walk by Bert’s house a different assortment of ‘stolen property’ is displayed. On my last visit, I
found, a black-sports glove he’d purr-oudly dropped in their driveway. I added it to one of the few remaining empty stakes for it’s owner to claim.
Fun Fact! Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Very Good, Very Bad Cat book, coming out in February 2016, includes two of Mary Ellen’s cat articles! Her first ‘cat burglar’ article that appeared in Tips ‘n’ Tales in 2014 and her hiss-terical encounter with a baby possum are featured. This is “Angel Scribes” fourth appearance in
a Chicken Soup book!
Appreciation for Tips 'n' Tales